Some of these tickled my "funny bone"

"Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is"

"I wonder if cops ever get ticked-off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit"

"They really should put warning labels on asparagus. It took me 30 years to figure out that asparagus was the reason why I would nearly faint at the smell of my own pee on rare occasion. Now I eat 3 bundles of the stuff the night before I go in for my annual pee test with my doctor."

"I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes".

"I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring in my groceries".

"I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger".

"I wish Google Maps, MapQuest and Car Navigations had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option."

"Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong".

"How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?"

"LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."

"Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you're supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk".

"MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood."

"Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my music/movie collection again."

"I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger."

"The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish typing a text message."

"I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my vaten page research paper that I swear I did NOT make any changes to".

"Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in ...(10 seconds lapse)...ummmm... Goonies."

"Is it just me or do high school girls dress more provocative every year?"

"There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far."

"I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water."

"Why is it that while driving, if you see a banana peel in the road you instinctively swerve to avoid it?"

"Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died."

"Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem."

"I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring... (Hello? Hello? darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Throw the phone as far as you could and ran away?"

"The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a gluttonous cow before dinner."

"Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what to do with it."

"Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and pinning the tail on the donkey...but I'd bet my last dollar that everyone can find and push the SNOOZE button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!"